Down Deep

I have had a really rough couple of weeks, well maybe months. I have had this disease for over eleven years and it's only getting harder to deal with. Sometimes I feel so utterly alone in this fight that is becomes unbearable. Carrying the weight of this disease which consumes me 24/7 is exhausting, and when something little sets me off and someone tells me I am too sensitive I want to lose my shit. I usually have a pattern of six months semi normal then an attack then a bought of depression, then I adjust to what ever new permanent symptom and move on, all the while fearing what is coming next. Well this last attack I was depressed for about three weeks prior to the actual onset of the attack........ did I somehow know it was coming? The worst part of all of this is that my family who has known of my disease just as long as me hasn't adjusted or adapted with me at all. They say they understand but how can they? It hurts me the worst that I have to explain my feelings over and over it's endless and exhausting. I have to be in pain and in fear everyday and now you want me to explain how I need you. No one can take this disease from me or fight against it for me but I feel like as I take my shaky steps into my uncertain future I should at least have some hands to hold. But here I am alone and in pain and fearful of what tomorrow holds.

Bloodletting?

So on Monday I went to see an acupuncturist to relieve this horrible neck pain. I have had acupuncture done when I was pregnant with my son and it was very helpful and even relaxing! This time not so much. They did cupping and bloodletting and then the acupuncture. Now I look like I had a date with a Hoover and not a whole lot of relief. I did end up having a major muscle spasm the next day. I don't think it's related but it really sucked because I was driving!

First day of first grade!

So my little man is off at his first day of first grade! Time really does fly, it seems like yesterday his little foot was poking me in my ribs! Tomorrow my little princess starts pre-k!

Butterflies for the first day of school!

So tomorrow is my son's first day of first grade! Needless to say there is a to do list a mile long and I have to rely on everyone else to get it done! Oh how I hate that aspect of this disease you have to give up so much. Future plans, hope, control, and your body. It is not cool. Constantly adapting to new symptoms is exhausting. But by far the worst is the fear. Fear of when and how the next big attack will hit, how bad will it be, is it going to be the big one? It is really hard! Hope you all are doing well! Cheryl

Whiplash?

So I guess the car accident hurt me more than I originally thought. Apparently I have had whiplash for the past almost year and haven't felt it until now. I guess the mega dose of steroids and muscle relaxers reduced the inflammation around the injury and now I am in absolute agony!!! WTH!

Going to the doctor:/

So today I am off to see my Neurologist to find out what the hell is wrong with my neck!?! I am in so much pain I can't stand it anymore.... they better fix me today or my hopped up steroid ass is going to go loco!! lol I was in the hospital for three days with this last attack and I did not taper off the solumedrol, so I hope my body is not crashing! Anyway I will check back in with an update! Wish me luck!

Microphone check 1 2 1 2!

So this is my first blog post! Since life with Multiple Sclerosis is unpredictable I figured I would start a blog as well as make my YouTube videos. I haven't made a video since January and I thought it would be easier to post on a blog rather than try to make a whole video... upload... so on and so forth. Things have been rough since my last video and I hope to catch up with all of you soon. I just got out of the hospital for an attack so I am doing my best to take it easy.....lol sure!! Anyway I hope I did this right!!!  Stay well everyone.....Cheryl
http://www.youtube.com/SOMUCHMORETHANMS